| Special Day |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|07:30 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Bless the Broken Road | ] |
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
BABY BOY!!!!
One year today.... I'm the luckiest girl in the world.... I'm going to miss you so much. |
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| Comp results, a survey and an update |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  refreshed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Seal- Love's Devine | ] |
COMP RESULTS
- Salsa: 1st place, gold
- Super Freak: 1st place, gold, "disco award"
- Dueling Banjoes: 1st place gold
- Feelin good: 1st place, High Gold
- Watch Your Back: 1st place, High Gold, "Focus award"
- Aparima: 1st place, SOLID Gold, "Best Costume Award", entertainer of the year
itunes (or, in my case window's media player) survey
How many total songs? 713
Sort by Song Title:
First: 16 Tons- Rockapella
Last: You've lost that lovin feelin'- The Righteous Brothers
Sort by Time
First: I'm a Cucumber- Brack (0:34)
Last: Purple Rain- Prince (8: 43)
Sort by Album
First: Hero- Mariah Carey (#1s)
Last: Whenever you're away from me- Olivia Newton John & Gene Kelly (Xanadu)
Sort by Artist
First: Here without you- 3 doors down
Last: Dance like this- Wyclef Jean
Top Ten Most Played Songs:
1. More than words- Extreme
2. You'll be in my heart- Phil Collins
3. Melt- Rascal flatts
4. No Son of mine- Genesis
5. Feels like today- Rascal Flatts
6. Hold on My Heart- Genesis
7. Hey Mama- Black Eyed Peas
8. I Can't Slaap- Clay Walker
9. Change the world- Eric Clapton
10. Blass the Broken Road- Rascal Flatts
Find "sex," how many songs show up?
5
Find "death," how many songs show up?
0
Find "love," how many songs show up?
59
UPDATE
The Comp went well... I got to hang out with Lauren for 4 days straight... that was pretty cool. Oddly enough though, by the end of it all, even though I did do well, I felt kinda down. I guess competitions always put me in that sort of mind set. It's hard to be around people whom you are very much similar to. It's so dificult because you (or at least I) begin to realize that there is nothing special about me. It made me feel low. Meh. I have two days at home (one of which I have already spent... working and stressing because I didn't think I'd get to see Kevin.... tomorrow, I may or may not be doing a Hawiian show... somewhere.... hopefully not though, because I need to pack and I want to go out to dinner with Kevin... and I do need to get directions from him.) After my two free days, I go on down to West Chester PA for four days.... wake up at around 7:30, work hard all day, get back in around 11. It's going to be tireing. Then I'm home for only two days before a possible root canal... (if not, a filling).... eep. I am smach dab in the middle of two exhausting weeks..... and I'm damn tired, so g'night everyone. |
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| Moive night |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|11:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Drifters- Some Kind of Wonderful | ] |
My movie night was surprisingly successful. There were twelve people there: Rob H. Rob K. Bryan R. Josh V. Charity D. Jamie V. Christine Z. Sam A. Kelly V. Heather E. Kate O. and Chris D. I had a good time, and I hope that everyone did. We hung out outside for a while, waiting for peoples to show up (and just fooling around…. Playing monkey in the middle with the Frisbee). We went inside to watch a movie but wound up hanging out in my room and reading Sex for Dummies. Kate took notes while Rude read… they both learned a lot. At one point I tried to steal the book and hide it somewhere. It didn’t work too well. Hilarious. Anyways… we finally decided on a movie… we all pigged out on junk food… umm. We watched Dodgeball and Valentine. Good times. I think I was most happy about the fact that I got to talk to some people. One person was in an ish mood, and I could tell that he was from the moment that he got there. We talked for a little bit about what was bothering him. It was nice. I also got to talk to another friend… not about his problems, but about things in general. A third friend told me a secret that he had yet to tell anyone else. I felt special :-D. I don’t know. So I think talking to/ helping people was the highlight of my night. I just hope that things get better for the first friend that I mentioned. By the end of the night, I was told that I give good advice, I give good hugs and I have the ultimate party house. Josh gave me the idea to have a swimming/manhunt party sometime. I don’t know if that’s going to happen… because I don’t know when our pool is going back up (we had to tear it down)…. But it would be fun. Kevin already said that he wouldn’t come :(… but I have a feeling that he wouldn’t come to anything at my house. I don’t know. I’m still in a great mood. But I have to go clean so I don’t get called lazy again (regardless of the fact that I spent a whole day dusting off shelves and organizing dvds). Whatever.
Oh! And to all you losers who "couldn't" come.... this is me sticking my tounge at you :-P..... I bet you'll come next time! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|03:18 pm] |
01. Who are you, what's our relationship:
02. How and where did we meet:
03. What’s my middle name:
04. How long have you known me:
05. Tell me one good thing about myself:
06. when you first saw me what was your impression:
07. My age:
08. Birthday:
09. My favorite band at the moment:
10. Color eyes:
11. Do I have any siblings:
12. Have you ever had a crush on me:
13. What's one of my favorite things to do:
14. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
15. Describe me in 3 words:
16. Name 5 things i love:
17. Do you think I’m good looking:
18. How would you describe me to someone:
19. Would you ever date me:
20. Tell me one thing you have always wanted to say but never did:
21: what do you like most about me:
22: if we could spend a day together what would we do:
23: have we ever gotten in a fight:
24: do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
26. What do you think my weakness is?
27. Do you think I'll get married?
28. What makes me happy?
29. What makes me sad?
30. What reminds you of me?
31. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
32. When's the last time you saw me?
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
35. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
36. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
37. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
38. Would you make a move on me?
39. Do I cross your mind at least once a day?
40. Will you post this on your LJ and see what I say about you? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|01:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blissful | ] |
not single anymore.... taking it slow.... but very very happy :) |
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| *confusion* |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|11:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
Kevin asked me out tonight...... of course he did it an hour after he was kissed by another girl. I told him I'd think about it. (There's more to that story... don't get too hung up on it)
I know that this post is going to get all sorts of PMSing comments--I don't really want to hear it. Advice is welcome, I suppose.... but I'm not going to let what anyone says influence what decision I make.
I'd like to figure out the difference between up and down before doing anything else. I don't know what I want.... I know that I really don't want to be hurt again. I know that Kevin is going away in a little over a month... I know it's really hard to work through a long-distance relationship.... no matter how great or small the distance is. But I know it's possible, and I think it's worth a try.... but I'm not ready to handle another shock of pain from heartache. |
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| three things..... |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|11:37 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Black Eyedpeas- My Hump | ] |
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My thighs.
2. My personality
3. My intelegence.... or lack there of
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. Chinese
3. ...... that's it
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Losing/being alone
2. What I can't see
3. Helplessness
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. music
2. My cell phone (Kevin)
3. My computer
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Silver mesh pants
2. a teal tank top
3. Black Underwear
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Goo Goo Dolls
2. Black Eyedpeas
3. Phil Collins
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Goo Goo Dolls- Big Machine
2. Goo Goo Dolls- Here is gone
3. Peter Gabriel- In Your Eyes
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. love
2. care
3. devotion/faithfullness
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I'm very depended
2. I only pretend to be confident
3. I'm content with the way my life is right now
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Good sense of humor
2. abs
3. nice smile and eyes
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Dance
2. Singing
3. Watching movies
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. *cough*.... jk... be with Kevin (not in any way other than just to be around him)
2. Change who I am
3. Cry in someone's arms while they give me a hug
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Teaching
2. Dance.... teacher or preformer
3. vet
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Sydney
2. Hawaii or any tropical island
3. Africa... or China... or Europe... I wanna go everywhere
THREE PLACES YOU HAVE TRAVELED TO:
1. Puerto Rico
2. Florida
3. Canada (but apparently that's not a place... according to Rob)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Travel
2. experience "true love".... if there is such a thing
3. be content with who I am
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. well.... ummm.... I'm messy
2. I eat a lot?...... oh no... I got a better one.... I don't take long to get ready
3. I leave the seat up.... jk.... I dono.... I don't really care about how I look....
THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Topher Grace
2. Antonio Banderez
3. Patric Dempsey
PS..... "FINALS: Day Two" entry comming soon |
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| FINALS: Day two |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|03:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bullet Proof--Goo Goo Dolls | ] |
Today was fine I suppose…. I woke up still with the depressed mood that I was in yesterday. I had precalc first block and Bio second block. They were both fine. Precalc was impossible… but I really don’t give a damn anymore… I didn’t get the chance to do the crickets thing…. Damn. I don’t know. Bio was fine… it would have been better if we could have gotten all of the presentations in on the one day because then we wouldn’t have to come in on Monday… but we are using the second block… me might play Ultimate Frisbee when we’re done with presentations… that’ll kick ass. I dono. This weekend is going to be tedious. I have dance tomorrow…. And I go right from there to a family reunion…… On Sunday I’m going to the office to do yard work… woo-hoo! I don’t know. I went outside today for a little bit… to read. I got a good 20 pages or so read…. Maybe less… probably less. I dono. I think I’m going to work on my DVD database soon.
People are really starting to bother me. Maybe it’s a lack of something in my life that’s making me really irritable and defensive and really making me not want to let anyone know who I am. I’ve been really uncomfortable talking to people lately. I don’t know whether it’s something that whatever particular person says that bothers me... or if it’s me… but I don’t know. I feel so damn alone right now.
I got guard Captain… Laura and I did. Charity is assistant. I’m happy I guess. I really wish that Jamie could have gotten some part in the whole thing…. But I suppose I’m not too disappointed. I don’t think I can really say much more than that without crossing some line.
I have nothing else to say. I’m sad. |
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| Finals: Day One |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|10:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  morose | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Goo Goo Dolls | ] |
The easy way to summarize today is: finals were easy, but the day itself sucked. I’ve been oversleeping lately… for absolutely no reason what so ever. I’ve been so damn tired lately. So I woke up at 6:50… which is better than yesterday’s 7:10…. I dono. I was surprised with how easy the Spanish final was. I guess it was more or less because the listening part was dome by Senor Okane and Senora Reluzco. I could actually understand it. Also, we did half the exam before the actual exam. We did the essay last Friday and the oral with tapes on Monday. That was weird. I didn’t like that much. The reading section was ishy. I think there were four writings, three prose and one that was a poem about writing or something. I don’t think I interpreted it correctly. Oh well. The grammar wasn’t too bad. I know I messed up a few of them, but I really don’t care. I’m guessing I got a B. Oh! In other exciting news, Rich and I got the same grade on this one grammar quiz, we set the curve, so we both automatically got 100s. How sweet?!?! Ok, I’m done. Second block was lame. Choir was a joke because Mr. Mac generally makes it super easy. I don’t know why. It took like 15 minutes… then we watched Mr. Bean… well… they watched Mr. Bean… I studied and got pissed off because of Kevin. I let Kevin bother me too much. Ugh. I’m beginning to think that he’s really not healthy for me. I’ve just been so stressed and so side-tracked and I dono… depressed and pessimistic over the past month. Oh, and by the way, Kevin and I have been broken up for one month today… tomorrow would have been our ten month anniversary. Wow, that hurts a lot. *sigh* anyway… History was my final block… It was fairly simple. There were 95 multiple choice questions (which was really funny because the first were matching and there were f’s, g’s, h’s, i’s and j’s… which are definitely not on the scantron. Entertaining. Anyways… I probably could have done better on the multiple choice questions, but I’m not too worried. My essays were good. My first was about why filibusters only occur in senate and the second was about how the close-to-infinite military power of the president is could be bad or good. Simple. I don’t know. I left school in a bad mood… came home and ate… did the dishes (which I’m pissed because I was never even thanked for… my family pisses me off) then took a bath then passed out at like 4:30 until like 9ish. And I’m still tired. I’m really upset right now. I guess I’m making the worst of the world. Thinking very low of people. I heard that the precalc final was near impossible… and I’m really nervous. Tomorrow is going to suck. Three things: 1) I already mentioned the precalc 2) I have to present my bio project during second block… I don’t really want to… at all… it sucks… people are going to make fun of me. 3) I’m going to try not to depress myself with the fact that Kevin and I would have been together for 10 months. I want to scream. Aside from easy tests today… there is one other good thing… I don’t even know how good it is. I started listening to Goo Goo Dolls again today… they have really good music that makes me happy and portrays how I feel very well… I got my old saying back: “Here is gone…”
HERE IS GONE
You and I got somethin
But it's all and then it's nuthin to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes through your intentions for me, yeah
And we wake up in the breakdown
With the things we never thought we could be, yeah
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
I am no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
And I dont need the fallout
Of all the past that's in between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
BIG MACHINE
Ecstacy is all you need
Living in the big machine now
Oh, you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothin's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care
Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting
Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive
Ecstacy is all you need
Living in the big machine now
Oh, you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothin's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care
Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting
Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive
::Chorus::LyricsCafe.com::
And I'm torn in pieces
I'm lyin there waiting for
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you
Silly love with all your sins
Wait and stop and I begin
And I'll - I'll be waitin'
Livin' like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel
Now this angry little girl
Drownin in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all a lie
I won't leave what you ain't got
Silly love with all your sins
Wait and stop and I begin
And I'll - I'll be waitin'
Livin' like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel
Now this angry little girl
Drownin in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all a lie
I won't leave what you ain't got
Ecstacy is all you need
Living in the big machine now
Oh, you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothin's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care
Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting
Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive
::Chorus::LyricsCafe.com::
And I'm torn in pieces
I'm lyin there waiting for
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you
Silly love with all your sins
Wait and stop and I begin
And I'll - I'll be waitin'
Livin' like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel
Now this angry little girl
Drownin in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all a lie
I won't leave what you ain't got
I heart Goo Goo Dolls.... there are no better words to describe how I feel |
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| Personal Philosophy |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|04:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
So I wrote Mohan's Personal Philosophy paper.... at 3 am.... the day that it was due.... ENJOY!
I have been given the assignment to write my personal philosophy at one of the most ironic times possible. Over the past month, I have been going through a period of time in which I am trying to figure out who I truly am, who I want to be, and how to get there. As much as that would seem to make this assignment easier, in reality, I feel that writing this paper has become much more difficult. I am at a stage in my life in which I am very confused. The decisions I make now are crucial and will affect me for many years.
For most teenagers, the seemingly “most important” part of life is relationships, and it was, more or less, the first thing that I thought about when hearing of this assignment. In my opinion, many teenagers focus on personal relationships far too much. Of course, in saying this, I am a hypocrite. I too have a tendency to focus on my personal relationships and to depend on my significant other or closest friend. Now that I have recently separated from someone whom I had been dating for nine months, I have a tainted view of personal relationships. I believe that every experience has its purpose, but it is hard to see the bright side when in this state. This experience has forced me to take note of my faults and try to change to be a better person. In the past, I have used promiscuity to help ease the pain of the end of a relationship. Looking back on it, I know it was a mistake and I am trying hard not to make the same one. I am a hopeless romantic and I pray that “love heals all”, but I know that it is cliché and unrealistic. I am much like Robert Cohn (The Sun Also Rises). He could not find the reality in the fictional novels that he read; I had trouble realizing that the romance in movies is idealistic. I have been working on trying to accept the fact that there is no one person who can be everything I want and/or need, and it is wrong for me to expect so much of a single person. Given my current situation, I feel the need to try not to act like Gatsby who changed who he was and sacrificed more than a reasonable amount to get Daisy to love him. I have the ability to change who I am for the possibility to win back my most recent ex-boyfriend, but I feel that it is wrong to change who you are for someone else. Although romance is a significant part of most teenagers’ lives, it does not make up the whole. This is something I have to begin to realize as well.
Now that I have been reflecting on who I am, I have realized that there are two major flaws in my personality. The first is my need for attention. I think that many people go through a stage in their lives in which they crave attention, but many grow out of it and I am making an attempt to do the same. The second major personality flaw is that I create and feed off of drama. Of course, this ties into the first in the sense that I use drama to get attention. I find this to be the harder of the two to fix because I have trouble drawing the line between talking about my problems and being over dramatic. A third fault in my personality, which I like to believe that I have overcome, is insecurity. I think most people will live with some bit of insecurity, but think I have been able to reduce mine to an understandable and realistic amount as opposed to the substantial amount that I once had.
My goals for the future are vague, and recently I began disregard all ideas that I once had for the future. I do not think that it’s right to plan out every detail. I know that I want to get married and to have children. I think that I want to either teach math or teach dance, but I have a feeling that my choice of career will change drastically over time. I know that next year I will graduate, and I know that I will be going to college, but I do not know where I will go. I wanted to stay somewhere close to home because at one time family was the most important thing in my life, but I have realized that my family, as much as they have helped me in so many ways, have been a huge hindrance to me. I know that I need to learn to make decisions on my own. Indecisive people do not really have the ability to go far in life.
There are two subjects that I avoid when talking to people: politics and religion. I have seen many fights start because of one of these two topics and I know several people who feel very strongly about one or both. I do not see the point in fighting about one’s opinion in regards to religion or politics. In most cases, there is no chance of changing the other person’s opinion and unnecessary time and anger is wasted. I hold on opinion in regards to politics but I am a practicing Catholic. I do not agree with people who try to impose religion on others, but I feel that I have been able to get through a lot of tough times because of my faith.
At this point in my life, I feel like I know so little and yet I know so much. I am figuring out who I am and who I want to be in regards to personality, but when it comes to my future goals, relationships and career, I feel as if there is a whole world that I have yet to see. |
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| Pessimism |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|11:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
I was really sick last night…. I don’t know what was wrong, but it got me to get 10 hours of sleep… I guess that’s good.
I realized today that there are very few people that I truly respect. I also realized (really, I should have said this first because this led me to the aforementioned realization) that I really detest most people in the way they act. I can’t stand how we change ourselves to please others. I can’t stand how heartless some are. Most of all, I can’t stand how people act just to get attention. I know how hypocritical I am being in these statements, but I detest myself as well.
Today was a shitty day. I don’t feel like sitting here and complaining; all I want to say is: I’m not as strong as some think I am. I’m so close to giving up and giving in. |
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| So High! |
[May. 23rd, 2005|04:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
Things are going really well. Let’s check out good mojo, shall we?
1- I have an appointment to see the school therapist on Wed. Of course, I won’t be in school that day, so I’ll have to fix that minor factor, but meh.
2- I’M GOING BACK TO DANCE TODAY!!! I have dance from 5:30 – 8:00. Not only is this uber exciting and happifying, but it gives me something to do tonight (this way, I’m not running 10 miles just so I don’t sit at home being bored all day).
3- I’m trying not to let something get to my head. That fact isn’t the good thing, the thing that I’m trying not to let myself get to my head is… make sense? No… too bad. I’m happy about “something” that I saw today.
So those are the major mojo mad happy stuffs. There are also a few small things that are happened that are retarded, but make me happy.
- Good music
- I found manila folders downstairs
- I got to talk to someone new today… kinda new… never mind.
- 115…. That’s all I have to say… oh… and 25 :-D
- I found a great site with great quotes… have some!
We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
~Charles R. Swindoll
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
~James Arthur Baldwin
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves
~Joseph Addison
To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.
~Anonymous
Great dancers aren't great because of their technique; they are great because of their passion.
~Anonymous
While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance.
~Hans Bos
Have a WONDERFUL day! Or night! Or whatever! |
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| A change |
[May. 22nd, 2005|12:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I have "Mr. Lonley" stuck in my head from Darron's car | ] |
So today had a lot of what I needed for now. I decided that, as of Monday, I am going to start therapy (more on that in a bit). I went to the movies with Darron, and had dinner with Hollington, Brian, Elisa, Darron, Mary and Mary’s roommate.
I’m taking a little time for myself for now. I need to get my head straight. I need to work on being independent and changing a lot of things about myself. It’s going to take a little bit of time, so I apologize to everyone in advance, if I seem to be acting different. I need to find a medium between being completely removed and completely attached. I’m going to have a hard time with it, but that’s ok… I will try my best. |
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| Prom |
[May. 21st, 2005|12:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
There’s a diet called heartbreak…. I lost 4 pounds in one week…. Because I can’t eat.
Well tonight started out not so great. But in the end I think I’m ok. Here’s the story. Kevin broke up with me Monday. This week has been the week from hell. Kevin didn’t pick me up for prom, nor did he buy me a corsage. I was disappointed but what the hell. Kevin wound up leaving right at the beginning, right after telling me about all my faults and everything I did wrong. We decided not to talk anymore. (Shannon, I know you read this on occasion. I will still take you and Kerry to go see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants if you want, Kevin would still be invited if he wanted to come, if not then oh well.) Well, I was devastated and spent a good amount of time crying. But here’s where it gets good. I have so many amazing people around me. I had people that I never even talk to caring about me… I mean, truly concerned. It was amazing. I got a lot of dancing in, which was nice. I got to dance with someone I haven’t really talked to before… that was fun. Really fun. Anyway… the night didn’t turn out to be a complete disaster. I just have to realize that I have no control over this situation at the moment. Nights and mornings are going to be the hardest. I can do it. I know I can. It’s hard to let go of something after loving it for almost two years. I hate seeing [someone] back to how they were before, but I can’t help them now. As much as I feel bad about it, this whole situation could have been avoided, and therefore I refuse to feel guilty about this. |
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|
| 9 months... almost |
[May. 16th, 2005|08:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Roxette- It must have been love | ] |
As of tomorrow, Kevin and I would have been together for 9 months. I say would have because he broke up with me tonight. He’s not ready, and I don’t blame him… but the only thing that I’ve done since I got home was cry and sleep.
That’s all I got.
Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely,there's air of silence
In the bedroom and all around
Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm
And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...
It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows
~Roxette |
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| Things that I really don't feel like doing this weekend |
[May. 8th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Seal- Don't Make Me Wait | ] |
Right now I should be...
- Studying for my AP Bio test (tomorrow)
- Reading 3 acts in "The Taming of the Shrew" (make up quiz on Tuesday)
- Working on my 7-10 page research paper for History (rough draft due May 16)
- Working on AP Bio Test corrections (Due Tues)
- Running
- Practicing choir music for Teen Arts (Thursday)
... but I'm not
Right now I souldn't be
- Playing around with pointless money programs (I have $220 at home)
- Reorganizing My MSN (I have a whole page that's just comics)
- Talking to Tom
- Entering DVDs into the Database (45 down, 381 to go)
- Staring blankly at my puter screen (if you look hard enough, you see different colors)
- Playing dress up (I think I'll wear a pretty grey dress on Friday)
- Getting upset because I can't see Kevin this weekend (I hate that he likes working at Shoprite)
- Procrastinating (I love MySpace... I've checked my email 5 times today)
- Updating my calendar (This week: AP test, Teen arts... Nest week: Kerry's Birthday, Sam's Induction, Concert I, Prom, Ma's Birthday)
- Counting the days/ weeks/ hours of school left (30.5/7 (4 full, 2 4-day, 1 3-day)/184)
- Thinking about (when and where) getting a job (Eckerd? Soon?)
... But I so am
Help |
|
|
| running |
[May. 3rd, 2005|05:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejuvenated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jannet Jackson- That's the Way Love Goes... (ol School) | ] |
So I ran today… for the first time in about 2 months, if not more. I would say that I ran about 2 miles, my family would say three (I ran around “the circle” then to the end of trimmer then back…. So I went back from trimmer and went back around “the circle” cause there’s road work….. We all agree that “the circle” is a half mile… I say that to the end if Trimmer is half a mile as well… possibly 3/4 tops… my mom and Darron say it’s a mile to the end. Thus where the I say 2, they say three thing comes it… just thought I’d clarify). I feel great, a little tired, but good. I plan on running every day from now on. I’m kinda curious as to what it feels like to just be completely satisfied with everything that goes on. I don’t know…. Just thought I’d mention it… I’m satisfied… all is well! :-D |
|
|
| I'm so scared |
[May. 1st, 2005|08:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | David Beddingfield-- If you're not the one | ] |
The scariest… worst feeling…. is knowing that in less than 4 months, you will lose everything… again. I’ve done the whole “crying so hard that I can’t get off the floor” think before… I don’t want to do it again. But somehow I know it’s unavoidable…. And I hate it. |
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|
| busy bee... keeps my mind of things |
[Apr. 30th, 2005|05:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | scared | ] |
Yesterday I started a new project…. I’m insane…. I decided to put all 417+ out our DVDs into a data base in my computer…. Not just titles, directors, actors, years released, genre, length, and a summary. (Now thinking about it, I probably should put the rating in too… oh well). Not only that, I’m making a card catalog and a whole system of note cards and such. It’s my new project. I finished putting all of the titles in last night…. Started on note cards, and started with the other information. It’s going to take a long time…. I have a lot to do this weekend. I probably should have been doing it this afternoon rather than hanging out with Kevin…. It would have probably made the incident that happened…. Well…. It probably wouldn’t have happened. (Most of you know what happened)… I don’t know. Right now, I started working on my essay for history… I think I have most of my sources… I’m proud. I only need 1 or 2 more sources… and one of them is an internet source which won’t be hard to find… and the other, I think, is going to be an interview. So I think I’m covered. I also have to work on Test corrections and read like 60 pages in Shakespeare. I think thing’s will be fine… at least schoolwork wise. Things here (at my house) aren’t going to be too great this weekend. I don’t want to see what all of this is going to escalate into. I’m kinda scared (thus the scared as my mood)…. I dono… I probably should get back to work.
Thanks everyone who helped me and cared about me when I needed it. |
|
|
| all is well... I suppose |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|05:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Genesis-- No son of mine | ] |
So it’s definitely been forever since I’ve posted anything at all…. But I really don’t feel like recapping everything that’s gone on the past two weeks…. So screw that. Things are pretty cool with school… I feel very efficient and on top of things…. Of course, I won’t feel that way next week when I have two pages of a 7 page paper due and test corrections and have to study for the ap bio test…. But… for now, I feel like I’m on top of things (Even though I kept thinking today was wed.)….. I wasn’t feeling well yesterday… and still kinda am not today… There’s a lot bothering me… mainly people—how careless they are… the stupid decisions they make… realizations about how they truly “are”. I think most people get into a certain “mind set” and are used to acting one way all the time…. And when there’s a change in the way things are, they tend not to make the right decision, or just completely act irrational. I don’t like how we… all of us… lie to ourselves….. Promise that we’ll do (or not do) something…. And go back on that. I don’t know… it bothers me. I’m probably being very hypocritical about this… but w/e. Things haven’t been too great at home… I’ve been clashing with my mom…. Ryan has been sick… I don’t know. Kevin and I have been doing very well… we for some reason are going to Prom (against his wishes… but not……. He didn’t want to go, but he’s the one who insisted that we go…. Doesn’t make sense to me either) I couldn’t care less either way… neither of us are doing anything too special… it’s really no big deal. I don’t know. I’m getting ish about him going away… I don’t know.
My mom made pot roast, I’m excited……
Yeah…. That’s all I gots.
PS..... I HATE YOUR MUSIC!
I realized that I don't know ANYTHING that "everyone" listens to... I feel left out... but I don't give a damn.... I don't like that music anyway |
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